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5 TIPS TO SURVIVE HOLIDAY HEARTBREAK
By Dr. Carolina Castaños, Ph.D. and Founder of MovingOn
One of the most painful experiences in life is the end of a relationship. Most human beings experience the trauma of a breakup and rejection at some point in their lives. Even those who marry their high school sweet heart most likely have felt the pain of rejection and the fear of losing loved one’s affection.
While the holidays are supposed to be a joyous time, people suffering from heartbreak experience a heightened sense of pain. After a break up, festive holiday celebrations leave people feeling more alone than ever.
According to the World Health Organization, more than 300 million people worldwide are affected by depression and as a result nearly 800,000 people commit. The end of a relationship is unfortunately a top reason someone would take their own life.
Holidays are an especially tricky time after a break up because we feel even more alone, betrayed, and devastated. Our significant other is that one special person with whom we share our lives, experiences, and moments. Good and bad moments. It does not matter when the breakup occurred because lingering and unprocessed emotions often resurface.
After nearly two decades treating patients and three years developing MovingOn, I can unfortunately report that there is no magic cure or one-size-fits-all approach. What is conclusive is that those who proactively seek help, knowledge and the tools to cope with loss, will have a higher chance of experiencing joy and happiness.
Here are 5 tips to survive holiday heartbreak:
1. Debunk Your Critical Inner Voice and Love Yourself: One of the hardest aspects of a breakup is how we are left feeling about ourselves. We question our self-worth, feel unimportant and that we are not enough. Somehow, we may even feel ashamed or guilty as we feel we have failed. We think about how we might have done differently to avoid being abandoned. These self-critical thoughts can take over your life if you let them. To reverse this vicious cycle, it is critical to reconnect with your inner you. Do this by thinking of yourself in the following four ways:
- Times when you were goofy and laughed with others. Picture the smile of all those around you.
- Times when you were soft and gentle with others and with yourself.
- Times when you were loving, caring, generous.
- Times when you offered a hand or a smile to someone.
By remembering those good times you will remember what you like about yourself.
2. Balance Isolation and Becoming a Social Butterfly: If you are crying yourself to sleep is an indicator that you need social support. A study by Brigham Young University researchers found that loneliness increases risk of death by 26%. In fact, CEO of Mental Health America David Shern correctly told WebMD, “Lean on your support system if you’ve been depressed and during the holidays take time to get together.” At the same time, avoiding isolation does not mean that you need to attend a party every night of the week. Honor your feelings, spend quality time high quality friends or family. Finding that happy medium is the key to success.
3. Attend to Your body and Pamper Yourself: While there is no magic bullet or secret potion, there are several actions one can take that have no downside, including:
- Exercise: According to the Mayo Clinic, research on depression, anxiety and exercise shows that the psychological and physical benefits of exercise help improve mood and reduce anxiety.
- Diet: A study from the University of Delaware demonstrated the importance of a good diet in the reduction of depression. During tough times, make sure your body has the nutrients it needs.
- Meditation: Studies show that 20 minutes of daily practice for at least eight weeks can ease anxiety and depression.
- Relaxation: Take care of yourself in a gentle and loving way. Pamper yourself with a hot bath, a spa day or with whatever makes you feel relaxed, calm and able to receive love from yourself.
4. Count the People in the Room Who Love You: During the holiday party, instead of thinking about how everyone else is ‘happily’ married or blaming yourself for your plight in life, think about all the people that love you in that room and around the world. Think of moments when others have shown you love: the smile of your child, a friend, a teacher, a parent, a brother or sister. Take note of that love and all those special moments.
5. Recognize What You Need and Act: In the middle of despair, it is crucial that we learn to recognize our needs in a caring and gentle way. As you connect with your beautiful self and your loved ones, see if you can recognize what you need at this moment. Ask yourself these questions:
- Do I need to talk with a professional?
- Do I need to have a coffee with my best friend?
- Do I need my parents or a sibling?
- Do I need to put on sweat pants and rent a movie?
Try thinking about which option sounds best and go do it. Treat yourself as you would your best friend.
The holidays are the most difficult time of year for people suffering from a broken heart. It is during this time that it is important to reconnect with the inner you, lean on those who love you, balance a healthy lifestyle and activity level and seek the help you need. Most importantly, please know that you are not alone. You are never alone.
About Dr. Carolina Castaños
Dr. Carolina Castaños is an award-winning Marriage and Family Therapist with 17 years of experience and a Ph.D. in Marriage and Family Therapy. She is the Founder of MovingOn, the first-ever interactive, on-demand, personalized program designed to help men and women struggling following break ups and divorces.
Dr. Castaños has extensive post-doctoral training in Emotionally Focused Therapy for working with couples (EFT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), Neuropsychology and Hypnosis. She is a member of the American Association from Marriage and Family Therapy, American Psychological Association, and the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis.
