Why You Can Have a
Good Life and Still Feel Like Something Is Missing
By Chandra Lynn, M.B.A.
This article is for
the woman who looks at her life and thinks, I
have so much to be grateful for. Why am I not happier?
Maybe the kids are finally asleep. The kitchen is mostly
clean. You sit down for the first time all day, and instead of relief there’s a
low hum you can’t quite name.
Nothing is wrong. You love your family, you know how lucky
you are, and you could list a dozen reasons to be grateful without trying.
That’s what makes the feeling so hard to talk about, even with yourself. So you
cover it with a little guilt (I should be
happy) and keep going.
Maybe you try to fix it from the outside with a new routine,
a weekend away, or a bigger goal at work. Sometimes that helps. A lot of the
time, though, we’re trimming branches when the part asking for attention is
underground, in the roots.
I learned that in my own body.
What I Was Really Building
When my son, Kai, was a baby, I joined a gym. I was working
from home, and the gym’s childcare gave me something I hadn’t had since he was
born: time that was just mine.
On paper, it was about getting my body back. I had gained
more weight than I wanted, my pre-baby clothes didn’t fit, and I didn’t like
what I saw in pictures. The harder part was the voice in my head. For years I
had called myself “the 10-pound overweight girl,” and after Kai that inner
critic got louder. Some days it felt like my body was working against me.
So I made the scary walk over to the free weights. The
people there were far kinder and more helpful than I had imagined. I found a
12-week beginner program, followed it all the way through, and learned that
consistency mattered more than any one workout. I’ve been on a program of one
kind or another ever since.
Somewhere along the way I realized the muscle was the
smaller part of it. My self-talk got quieter. What I was really building was
trust in myself, and a slowly growing belief that I am worth taking care of. I
still notice things in the mirror I’d change, but I’m proud of what I built.
When I reached my goals, I hosted a thank-you dinner for the
people who had supported me. I didn’t get there alone, and I wanted them to
know it.
That season taught me something I now build my work around.
We expect the rise without the roots, and the root work is where the magic
happens.
Your Five Roots
In my Root-to-Rise® framework, I picture a life as a tree
with five roots: Health, Family, Relationships, Career, and Friends. Everything
other people see lives above ground. What holds it up is underneath.
The roots aren’t a ranking, and they won’t all be thriving
at the same time. Life moves in seasons. When your kids are little, Family may
be getting nearly all the water while Health or Friends go dry for a while.
That’s normal. It’s also worth noticing, because a root that stays dry long
enough starts to affect the whole tree.
The Hidden Forces Underneath
Below the roots are what I call the Hidden Forces: six human
needs that quietly drive our choices. The idea comes from human needs
psychology, which traces back to Abraham Maslow and was developed further by
Tony Robbins and Cloe Madanes. Root-to-Rise is my adaptation of it.
The six are Security (stability and a sense of safety),
Variety (change and fresh experiences), Self (feeling that you matter as you),
Intimacy (closeness and belonging), Growth (learning and expanding), and
Transcendence (contributing to something bigger than yourself).
We all have all six, and none of them is good or bad. What
matters is how we’re meeting them, and what our way of meeting them is costing
us.
For a lot of moms, this is where the restlessness comes
from. Caring for your children can feed Intimacy and Transcendence in ways
nothing else ever has, and running a household can feel a lot like Security.
But the same role can crowd out a need without your noticing. You can get so
good at meeting everyone else’s needs that Self, the need to feel like a person
apart from your roles, gets almost nothing. Or Growth stalls because there’s no
room left in the day to learn anything just for you.
When “Something Is Missing” Is Information
That restless feeling is usually a signal, and it’s worth
listening to before you decide what it means. Most of the time it doesn’t mean
you need to blow up your life. It may mean one root has been dry for a while,
or that a need that barely registered five years ago matters much more now.
This comes up often in transitions, when kids start school
or leave home, when your body changes, or when your work does. The strategies
that carried you through the last season were the right ones for that time.
Some of them may not fit the woman you’re becoming.
You can be deeply grateful for your life and still be
curious about what it’s asking of you.
Try This Week
The next time the restlessness shows up, don’t rush to fix
it. Pause and ask one question: What need
am I trying to meet right now?
If the answer is Self, you may not need a whole weekend
away. Ten minutes that belong only to you might do more. Pick one small way to
feed that need this week, and make it small enough that perfectionism can’t
talk you out of it. Then notice what changes.
Root-to-Rise was never about building a perfect life. It’s
about building roots strong enough to love the life you have, even when it’s
messy, hard, and uncertain.
Discover Your Hidden Force
If you’re curious which of the six needs may be shaping your
choices right now, my free Hidden Forces Quiz can help you see it.
TAKE THE FREE HIDDEN FORCES QUIZ
If you’d rather read first, or want to go deeper after the
quiz, download my free Hidden Forces Guide. It walks through all six needs and
how they may be showing up in your relationships, health, and everyday
decisions.
DOWNLOAD THE FREE HIDDEN FORCES GUIDE
For the full framework, Root-to-Rise:
How to Love Life and its companion, the Root-to-Rise
Workbook: Love Life by Design, walk you through strengthening your roots
and understanding what drives you. As Deepak Chopra put it, “If you want a
simple step-by-step guide for a fulfilled life, THIS is the book.” Readers of
this blog get 25% off signed books with RISE25 on my personal store at
glowliving.etsy.com.
About Chandra Lynn
Chandra Lynn, M.B.A., is an author, speaker, mom, and
Certified Transformation Coach through the Robbins-Madanes Center for Strategic
Intervention. She is the founder of Glow Living, creator of the Root-to-Rise® personal
growth and self-help system which has earned recognition from Deepak Chopra and
Kirkus Reviews, and author of Root-to-Rise:
How to Love Life, a Gold Medal winner in the 2026 Readers’ Favorite
International Book Awards (Non-Fiction – Motivational), and the Root-to-Rise Workbook: Love Life by Design.
Through her books, coaching, and talks, she helps people love life, even when
it’s messy, hard, and uncertain.
Learn more at chandralynn.com. Find the books at
https://glowliving.com/rtrbooks.
The Giveaway
One lucky winner will receive an autographed copy of Root to Rise! To enter, fill out the Giveaway Tools form below. Do you not meet to be a member to redeem the code. Giveaway ends 11/5/26! Open to the US only.
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