The Halfway Point

I am now twenty weeks pregnant. Yes, I know. I'm a cow and I look like should be nine months pregnant already. Nope, only 4 1/2. Is this really only the halfway point? It seems like I've been pregnant forever. This is partially because I had a miscarriage at twelve weeks back in April and than got pregnant again right away in May. I had to go through the whole first trimester morning sickness/exhaustion thing twice in a row. So that might be why it seems like forever.




Things have been rough with this pregnancy. I feel like I have every possible symptom imaginable from morning sickness to leg cramps. I don't remember it being this hard with my other two. Maybe it was because I was almost ten years younger. Plus I'm always worried about every little twinge. I've already been in the ER once with contractions due to dehydration. And between the miscarriage and the fact that my son was a preemie and spent his first two weeks hooked up to a respirator, I'm just a nervous wreck. I'm always wondering how bad things will be this time. I know I should be keeping a positive attitude. I am a firm believer in the power of intention. But believing it and keeping my head from going to those dark places sometimes are two different things. Your brain is a hard thing to control. I just wish a healthy baby was already here and in my arms so I could relax. And I will be more relaxed even if I am up all night every night for six months straight. In my world, that's the easy part. Bringing a healthy, full term baby into the world is the hard part.







On the lighter side, I have the craziest cravings this time around. I swear, I could eat French onion soup and scrambled eggs every day. And I don't want to touch anything sweet. Candy and cookies and stuff totally put me off when normally I have a major sweet tooth. And like I mentioned I am MUCH bigger this time. My first two babies were only six pounds when they were born, but I swear this one is trying to break that new record of 19 pounds. LOL And that would be okay as long as it was healthy!